I'm on the edge. I feel I'm always close to exploding, I have to swallow my emotions all the time. It's like there's a bomb inside of me that's just waiting to explode and damage my world. I have not hurt myself but I'm dreaming of it, obsessing about it. I fucking wish I had the guts to act out and at the same time I'm feeling proud because I have not cut. I know if I relapse it's just going to bring me down but at the same time, I wish I could just do it and get it over with.
I feel dirty, I don't sleep well and have been taking benadryl to help me sleep. I wish I could talk about it but I prefer not to bother anyone with it when I'm able to deal with myself.
The aftermath of incest is that your life is not normal. You feel damaged good, you feel unworthy, you feel terrible. People can't see it, we look normal, even tho we feel dead inside, we still look normal. I feel like I'm not real because I'm hiding my pain.
I hate myself these days.
4 comments:
the aftermath can also be enormous healing and power over those horrible scars, it cna get better, believe me we know from living it
This feels like a ridiculous question but that's never stopped me before. Other than the blog do you have any activities or hobbies that help you cope with the massive stress?
jumpinginpuddles: I agree with you, there's just times when it feel really awful and I think it's helpful to vent.
Tiger: It's not as stupid question. I have plenty of hobbies. I'm involved in my community, in my church. I love to read, take long walks and have fun. This place helps me vent. :)
I sound like a pathetic whiny baby here but I'm a fun person when I'm not in this shadow.
just checking on you
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