I mean I survived the night and the day without seriously damaging my one self. I punched my arms a few times last night, dang the pain numbed my emotional pain right away. Then I remembered the vicious circle,(hurting myself, feeling numb, hurting myself again) then I cried and decided not to do it again. (at least try not to do it again)
I'm in pain, I need to tell someone who *knows* me in real life how hard it is for me. Tomorrow for some church related business, a friend and I are going to pick a computer up at my perp's house. I wanna shoot myself, he says I'm beautiful, he says I'm daddy's girl, I wanna die. I don't want it to start again. I'm terrified.
What the hell happened to me? Where's the strong me? I feel soo bad.
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