It hasn't been that bad of a week. Since my friend and I spoke last Wed. I had couple of phone calls with the fucking pervert, but they haven't broke me up as much as last week.
I'm getting to the point that it's true what my friend says about telling my perp how he's made me feel and how damaging his abuse has been. One only has one father you know. My friend is right, telling him, confronting and setting limits and boundaries is the way to go. In a week I've been able to go from "I'll never be able to do that ever" to "maybe he's right, it's the way to heal".
I disclose the abuse 9 years ago but I never sat with him and told him off. I'm terrified but I know I am strong enough to eventually do it.
I struggle with vulnerability, it's hard for me to open up and show my heart to someone else. I mean to open up enough to be hurt. I do it with my friend (my rock) but he's different. He's the daddy I never had, he's what fathers are all about. My father was a jerk, an abusive and sick jerk.
I have stuff to do. I'll update later...
I'm getting to the point that it's true what my friend says about telling my perp how he's made me feel and how damaging his abuse has been. One only has one father you know. My friend is right, telling him, confronting and setting limits and boundaries is the way to go. In a week I've been able to go from "I'll never be able to do that ever" to "maybe he's right, it's the way to heal".
I disclose the abuse 9 years ago but I never sat with him and told him off. I'm terrified but I know I am strong enough to eventually do it.
I struggle with vulnerability, it's hard for me to open up and show my heart to someone else. I mean to open up enough to be hurt. I do it with my friend (my rock) but he's different. He's the daddy I never had, he's what fathers are all about. My father was a jerk, an abusive and sick jerk.
I have stuff to do. I'll update later...
2 comments:
"One only has one father you know"
Wow. That you would even consider it is a testament to your compassion.
I've often thought about what I would do if my perps were brought to justice. I don't want revenge either, just justice.
But I'd make one request to the court, that the convicted would have to complete a reading list designed by me. That's right, I'd make the little )(#$%*@_ go to school.
Hi tigr :)
In april, I wrote 2 long letters, one of them was addressed to my father (he didn't read it, I asked my friend, the one I refer to in my posts) to read it and after we were done, I destroyed the letter. In the letter I was letting go of my hatred for him and letting go of my plan for revenge. This released me from the grudges I was holding that were slowly killing me. :(
I wish for justice, I wish for apologies, explanation.
I hope you get justice tigr, I hope you and your girlfriend get justice.
My perp was my father, the one I was raised with but my dad now is the friend I refer to in my posts. He's the closest thing I'll ever have to a daddy. A caring, protective, sweet honest father figure. The kind of man I'd want my future kids to be as a grand father.
I'm sorry for the attack you went through.
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