If I'm posting here again it's because I saw "him" and when I see him too much or too often I get into this state of feeling "meh" and I've been having memories and they suck. I've been taking anxiety meds but I wish I could just be numb so I wouldn't feel this pain. It hurts so fucking much.
Whatever, this is all my fault anyway, if I wasn't attending functions where he is, I wouldn't feel like this, I just want to curl up in a ball and forget about everything. I hate the fucking memories of this fucking asshole. Oh my gosh, I hate them. He's just so happy to have his daughter back, he's all about acting like nothing ever happened. FUCKING LOSER!
I'm sick to my stomach, I want to cry but can't, I don't want to go through this forever. This fucking sucks.
Sorry for this pity party, I needed to let it out. :(
1 comment:
Let it out let it out let it out!!! Sometimes it's the only thing you can do. I think the scariest part of rape is how confused you feel afterwards. There's such a rush of feeling every single emotion all at once that sometimes you have no idea what to think. My solution initially was to just become numb. As i've been working through it, and through blogging i've been learning to let it out more and more. I definitely feel the ice starting to chip away. Not completely yet, but there is a small big of relief. I hope you find relief and know again that it is a process...we're all here trying to work through that process and hopefully gain support along the way.
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