I need to remember

That the pain I'm feeling will go away, that it's not the end of the world and I'm going to get back on my feet. I need to remember that I'm strong and courageous because at the moment, I only remember how fucking hurt I'm feeling.

I'm strong, I'm courageous and it's OK for me to express my sadness and my pain, it doesn't make me a weak person. Maybe if I say it enough, I'll believe it?

God, please take me out of this hole, I need to get back on my feet and stop feeling the pain and despairs of these far away memories. Just please give me the strenght to remember that this too shall pass.

:(

meh

If I'm posting here again it's because I saw "him" and when I see him too much or too often I get into this state of feeling "meh" and I've been having memories and they suck. I've been taking anxiety meds but I wish I could just be numb so I wouldn't feel this pain. It hurts so fucking much.

Whatever, this is all my fault anyway, if I wasn't attending functions where he is, I wouldn't feel like this, I just want to curl up in a ball and forget about everything. I hate the fucking memories of this fucking asshole. Oh my gosh, I hate them. He's just so happy to have his daughter back, he's all about acting like nothing ever happened. FUCKING LOSER!

I'm sick to my stomach, I want to cry but can't, I don't want to go through this forever. This fucking sucks.

Sorry for this pity party, I needed to let it out. :(