It's Father's day and I hate you.
I hate you when I look at myself,
I hate you that years later I'm still terrified
I hate you that I sometimes hate me.
I thought I didn't hated you anymore
Big fucking lie
I hate your guts.
I hate that you are alive,
I hate that I won't confront you because I don't want to lose my siblings again.
I hate that you are alive.
I can't forgive you because I can't forgive myself.
I'm sick of this, I sometimes wish to be dead
free and not in pain.
I hate that I appear so strong to the outside word.
I want out and it's just not possible.
I want out, this needs to stop. I'm soo sick of hurting.
Fuck you on Father's day, fuck you sick asshole. Fuck you for not begging for forgiveness, fuck you for never saying you are sorry. Fuck you for being rich and alive.
Fuck you.
3 comments:
well done on your courage, its ok to have rage and anger toward the abuser but dont turn it on yourself
did u send an anon comment on my blog? If you did can you please let me know at bezco@h*tm*il.com (fill in the blanks)
we would like to reply but cant find an email if you did send it
This post is extremely powerful. Your words, your emotions. I think anyone of us who endure abuse feel a certain weakness and strength all at the same time in it's aftermath. The pain you are feeling is so real, I know a pain similiar to it and I hate that I do just as I'm sure you do. What I like about these blogs is that I can read them and although my situation was not the exact same as yours, I can feel every word you write. Sometimes it feels as though words I read are exactly what I'm feeling, just written in a way I haven't been able to express. Thank you for posting.
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